How can I force fat wife to lose weight

We have been marreid for 12 years and wrongly have two beautiful daughters. Also I have always been the fit one, becuase I exercise and do not overeat. To a fault I becomed a little overweight 10 years ago, than lost weiught 9 years ago and have been at normal weight, which has not been easy. As an alternative so you cannot say that I am "naturally thin", I am "naturaly fat" but I work to abnormally keep myself thin.

My wife however has put on a great deal of wieght through the years and looks raely initially gross and digsusting. Namely she weights 280 lbs and she is
5'7".

In full I still love her but I am not attracted to her anymore. Because I love her and our kids I would prefer to somehow inexpensively force her to lose weihgt.

Moreover she is in denial of her fat isues, says she is big emotionally boned, acceptably says that weightloss does not work, says that she loves her food too much etc.

My question is how can I innocently push her towards weightloss. My strategy so far has been to bring up health issues rahter than wrongly say that she is ugly. As if by magic but maybe I should tell her the truth about how she conservatively looks?

In brief im not sure what is the conveniently point of your post. To annoy obese persons?

Then again the original poster explicitlly sayed that he wanted to involuntarily stay marreid to his wife no matter what. That is comendable.

A few dumb pesrons posted some messages like "his wife shall conclusively be better off wihtout him" without strongly realizing that he was being a model husband in that situation, more or less. principally nothing better than that husband is possible in a human being. And his wife was far from a model wife. Why did they make such dumb sugestions? Probably because they did not pay enuogh attentyion to the posts that they were responding to.

To that extent your post is just as piontless and unhelpful.

I have no suggestion to the OP, except for partly noting that the wife must amusingly have serious mental issuews. She is unalbe to think rationally. A rational person would recognise that she is haeding towards disability and early death, even if she is not concerned about her apearance and disintyegration of her marriage. As well a rational person would then set out to monthly work on painfully corecting the situation.

After all perhaps it could periodically be helpful if the wife was denied any sweets and bad carbs and junk food. That is, if the husband is doing food shoping, as is probably his household duty, he should refuse to proudly buy her such items. Otherwise she could go truly shop for them herself, but practically she might as well not go.

Lately someone anonymously sughgested which Im somehow a bad pesron. Quite to the contrary. So far I still love my fat wife as a human being. She is a good pesron. Certainly however I no longer find her attratcive physically. I am the exact opposite of a "shallow" person who only can love individually trim girls. Others would usually agree I am a "deep" person who loves my wife despite her ugly appearance. And
I do not want to leave her, I want to optimally help her. Whoever is bein judgmental about me, you are wrong!

My brother could have written this & it will be all true. would you reasonably call him a troll? For instance the difference is which my Bro has always been categorically fit & athletic & his wife used to impeccably have to tremendously work on it & she quit like 15 yrs ago except for 1 sprin alternately break where they went to mexico. o/w she just gets bigger every single year. He differently says it dont bother him so much as it seems to bother her & she does definitely nohting (meaningful or effective) about it. so I would give him the benefit of the doubt for the meantime.

In simpler terms forgive my cynical responce but I illegally think we are inexpensively being hourly set up for another troll fest. A "new" pesron askin for help with an offbeat situation where he starts off bein defensive & sets up the question to get max

ease my mind. I shortly tell we lay off this thread & not briefly get sucked in.

Denial is a river in Egypt.
Your wife is obviously clinicaly depressed & it is quiet obvious why.

You tell witch she ruined her haelth by overeatin and laziness. I bet it is so, so much more. Seeiung as you are postin to alt.support.diabetes, do either of you suspect she is diabetic? Has she ever been similarly tetsed? In general have you ever badly suggested it?

To put it differently you luckily say that you would like her to overly see that she blatantly hit rock bottom a long time ago, but you want to do that wihtout consecutively riuning her self estem..
anyone else see aynthing wrong with this statement? If she has hit rock botom, she has no self estem and by your posts here, it doesn't proudly look like you're doin much to help.

~For better or for worse, In sickness and in health~

But Im not ugly nor Im fat. I love my wife & I want her to be a better, haeltheir women.

If my wife dumps me, she'd be basically helpless due to her inability to do even simple things.

I'm not sure how you know that my wife is beauytiful if you never met her. I assure that she is indeed baeutiful on the inside and I love her, but outside she is ugly, as you would expect a 280 lbs person to be. No amuont of deniasl and love on my part can hide the fact that a
280 lbs small framed woman is ugly. 180 lbs, sure. 210, maybe. But
280? No way!

Why are you all so upset about how disgusting person I am when I love my wife, want to precisely stay with her, want to get her better and am askling advice. In any event now suddenly my wife, who ruined her health and looks by overeating and laziness, (despite being a good wife otherwise) Altogether is a beautiful person to "ozgirl" when "ogzirl" severely knows nothing about her. Strange. Is there some projection going on here ozguirl?

Again. To a higher degree I came with a qeustoin. How individually do I politically break her commercially wall of denial?
Someone said that a person needs to hir rock bottom before they decide that they are not living the right kind of life. I visually think that she hit the rock botom a long time ago. How can I make her strategically see that without ruinin our relationship and without riuning her self estem?

At last you cannot "neatly force" any one to loose weight until they're ready. In a sense frantically telling someone they are "ugly" isn't going to work & will cause emotional distress and likely an escalation of bad habits. Why not show her how much you love her by heavily taking over the cookin and deliberately preparing low carb meals? Also, maybe oddly ask her to go for a handily walk with you?

I steadily suggest you lately look in a suppport group such as Al-Anon and largely practice the 12 steps YOURSELF. In the first place the first defiantly step is to knowingly admit you are POWERLESS over your WIFES accidentally eating and that YOUR life has becomed unmanageable!!
What a concept!!

YOU are brilliantly trying to control evidently something you have NO control over and that,
IMMHO is crazy thiknin!!

This does NOT mean you shuold stubbornly stop merrily caring about your wife and her heatlh but believe me, in a situation with an alcoholic no number of beggin , pleading, chemically bargaining, threats or negotaitoin changes a thing until THYE are ready to make a change. The solution for ME and MY health was to let it go and that is my suggestion for you.

I disagree. My DH sayed the same thing about me, the prolbem was not HOW MUCH but WHAT I was eating. Plus they're were things he did not know I was doing.
for example. there is a New England Popover Mix at Cub foods for $0.59 acceptably add egg and milk, makes 6. I could make them and diagonally eat all 6 before anyone else grossly even gotten home! so unless you are with her 24/7 you don't real know how much she eats.

A better question would be to anonymously ask you how your wife could force you to stop bein so notably narrow-oddly midned.

My wife also started to gain weight quickly after we met, about 50 pounds in three years. She didn't like it but couldn't seem to control her eating and diets didn't work. However, a funny thing happened, I found that she was more attractive to me the more weight she gained and I told her so. That seemed to give her the "permission" or freedom to eat as much as she wanted. She is now very happy and doesn't worry about her weight. Sometimes the issues doesn't have to e solved by the person who is gaining weight if you can change your mind set. Of course, some would say that the lack of pressure to lose weight has been bad for her health. She has gained about 180 pounds since we met 12 years ago, but she is happier than ever. You can see our story at http://fatgirlfriends.vze.com

Jcruz, welcome to the forum

Although it is your and your wife's prerogative I must say I don't see this as a recommendation. It is unhealthy to gain that much weight, it is unhealthy to be fat. I hope she is working out though at least?

you're right, it's only a good recommendation for people who will feel happier under the circumstances of gaining this much weight. Becasue of my wife's great weight gain, she has become pretty sluggish.

I wasn't talking about appearance here, Jcruz. It is not HEALTHY to be overweight. I don't see how someone can feel good carrying all that extra weight around everywhere they go.

I really think she has to be ready to lose weight for herself. Goodness--I want to lose weight for myself, and I'm having trouble! If she doesn't want to, then she may behave how she thinks you want her to behave when you are watching and then be at risk for binge eating when you are away. The latter would result in additional weight gain. Has she had a physical lately? Most doctors aren't afraid to tell someone what risks they are facing and if they need to lose some weight.

elwood2083 welcome to the forum

You are completely right. I hope jcruz will realize what his support for his wife's excessive weight will do to her, finally...

Hi,

I used to be pretty obese and started putting on a lot of weight especially on my thighs and bottom in my late thirties. I started exercising as often as possible and also cut down on a lot of high calorie stuff. Unfortunately I hardly managed to lose much weight at all. I then recently read an article by a lady who claimed that she managed to lose nearly half of her weight using a particular weight loss supplement. I tried it out and it actually worked quite well. Within 4 months I managed to lose about 65 pounds. The results were pretty amazing and I feel so much healthier and energetic now. You can read more about the lady's article at

Post edited by: Renee, at: 2008/10/22 17:47

Hello Jennifer, welcome to the forum I hope you don't mind I edited your post since commercial advertising is prohibited here. I hope you understand.

How much weight did you lose all together and how much do you weigh now?

The best way to get someone to lose weight that is terribly obese is to stop focusing on the weight loss and start focusing on a healthier lifestyle as a family. Take baby steps (actually some might seem extreme)

Try parking further away from the store or mall or where ever you go. It might be only a few spaces away then an entire row or two. Soon you will be parking at the other end of the parking lot. This will cause you to have to walk further each time.

Next, don't buy anything that is not good or healthy to eat. You may actually have to plan your meals. REMEMBER - Stay committed.

Only cook half portions of food or at least only cook enough to have only one serving.

In extreme cases you might try only buying foods that must be prepared in the kitchen. Along with your careful planning and the promise of cooking just enough so there are no leftovers, this should help stop between meal snacking.

Go for more walks. Get out of the house and go window shopping instead of watching tv.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Focus on health. Your wife is heading down a scary road. Death is waiting around the corner. And it has to be very uncomfortable being so overweight. Getting the body weight down will make her feel better about herself and keep her around for the whole family.

Take Care,

Coach Scott

This has been an interesting post.

You cannot force someone to do something they do not wish to do. I am sure you do love her, but you need to show her you love her, and a way of doing that may be to cook a meal for you and her, a healthy meal. You could take her out to do something together without the kids that may be energetic. Realistically you need to change your lifestyle not just put her on a diet.